Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
