Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
