my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
