first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
