Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
