I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
