No stitches, just platelets and will power
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
