We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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