your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
