do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
