I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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