he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
