My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
