I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
