um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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