I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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