I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
