She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
