I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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