i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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