just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
