Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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