Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
