The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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