I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
