a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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