yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
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You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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