They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
