So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
