Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
