I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
