And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
The best revenge is premature balding
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
