You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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