can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
