dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
pray to the hookup gods
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
