ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
