i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
