Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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