so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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