Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
