In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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