i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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