If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
