how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
