my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
