Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
