he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
