omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
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i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
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I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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