I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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