So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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