i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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