Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
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so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
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Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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