I just pynch a tree in the face
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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