Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He shit in the fireplace
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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