my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
