He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
