Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
