I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
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