My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
