Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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