I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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