it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
