we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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