You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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