wanna go halves on a baby?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
