i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
